Sunday, March 6, 2011

Normal Service is being resumed

I had hoped to write this blog weekly, but have been thrown out of kilter by the devastating Christchurch earthquake on 22nd February.  Of course, I am no longer living in the region, but my daughter is, and I have already written about that day on my Dyeing2Design blog.  Fortunately, both she and her boyfriend are back at work, and have power and water at their home, so are regaining some normality in their lives.

So today, I though I'd talk about what is normal, and how the sense of normal changes during our lives.  When I was my daughter's age (26), I was married with 2 children, a home and a business.  That was normal.  My mother married at 21 and had her first child, my brother, at 22.  That was normal.  She stopped work at that point and would not have resumed working outside the home except for the fact that the marriage ended and she was forced to return to work when I was 8 in order to support us.  There was no welfare available then.

However, none of Sophie's school friends are actually married (one is engaged) and none have children.  Cass, who is almost 30, has a couple of married friends and one with children.  Most of this group are university educated, and most have gone travelling.  Some are currently overseas and have been for some time.  This is normal for this generation - they are so much more mobile.  My mother is of the generation that dresses up to travel, because in her day, it was something special and unusual.  I dress for comfort.  The kids travel in whatever they're wearing, which may be shorts and jandals. This is also normal.

I could go on at length about how things have changed from when we were young.  It's important to accept that things should change, and that your concept of "normal" should also change; otherwise, you can create a lot of unnecessary grief and stress for yourself.  I try to remain flexible in my thinking for this reason.  While I would love to have grandchildren, I have to respect my children's decisions to live their lives their own way and to have different priorities.

What about you?  What is the most significant change in your concept of "normal"?


  1. "It's important to accept that things should change, and that your concept of "normal" should also change; otherwise, you can create a lot of unnecessary grief and stress for yourself." What a totally true statement Shirley and I try to keep this in mind too. I think my most significant change in my concept of normal for me happened 25 years ago when I had major surgery which altered my life for ever. I have had to adjust to a new normal from that time and to accept it but life continues to present us with new versions of normal and I'm sure it's a case of accept and adapt and move forward.

  2. I think about morals. Even though I was in high school and college in the late 60's early 70's, I was never comfortable with the sex before marriage thing. Once married, I was also uncomfortable with unmarried friends visiting and staying in the same room overnight. Now I look back on that and think, how prudish! My new normal doesn't spend much time thinking about people living together without the sanctity of marriage. In fact, I could see myself doing that if I found the right person. My view of morals has certainly changed and become more realistic, more focused on what is important I guess.